My fortune from lunch:
To you nothing is impossible.
The crowd was divided on whether this was a compliment or insult. Comments are open if you have other examples.
Enigmatic Fortune Cookies
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May you live in interesting times.
Have you heard of the tradition
of everyone at the meal reading their
fortunes aloud, and adding “in bed”
at the end?
Regarding “in bed”: during the height of the internet boom, I found that adding “on the internet” to a fortune cookie was likely to yield amusement, if not a VC-fundable business plan.
One I kep up all through law school:
It is not too late to change directions
“He who knows he has enough is rich.”
My favorite cookie fortune was: “The greatest danger may be your own stupidity.” I taped that where I could see it regularly.
“That wasn’t chicken.”
My favorite is: “friendship is a sheltering tree”
I’ve had a string of good ones lately.
“It’s nice to be remembered, but it’s far cheaper to be forgotten.”
“You look pretty.”
And my favorite:
“Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.”
Wouldn’t it only be insulting if it read “FROM you nothing is impossible”?
How about the old standby
“You will be hungry again in two hours.”
I like to collect fortunes which do not become any better if you add a certain phrase. My favorite thus far is “You will sleep well at night.”
As for the most direct, “You could prosper in the field of medical research.” Well, thanks.
re: aphorisms.
That’s a pet peeve of mine. It would be one thing if ‘fortune’ cookie was always a misnomer. But I remember they used to always give you fortunes.
My most unusual fortune was “If you are burning with ambition, people may come to watch the flames.” from Yen Ching, small local noodle restaurant
From more than 15 years ago:
“Men who are born fools cannot be cured.”
The friend who got it gets reminded about it even now.
How about:
Psychics will lead dogs to your body.
My favorite “… in bed” fortune read: “Great things come from small things.”
I got one that says
“When you got something for nothing, you just haven’t been billed for it yet.”
My wife once received one with a high probability of accuracy, given the situation: “You like Chinese food.”
My favorite that we analyzed with the “in bed” suffix:
“Your feet have touched the soil of many countries”
When is the last time you did the laundry, dude???
Mike – it means don’t mess around with another man’s wife.. or, don’t mess around if you’re married.
I’m assuming you’re straight, btw.
The best fortune I ever got:
“You will soon be invited to a karaoke party!”
And the best thing is that the fortune came true! I photocopied and enlarged the fortune to show everyone at the karaoke party.
It’s written by an admirer of a Chinese fellow named You. You Sing? Chang You? The world may never know.
Tonight my fortune (REALLY) was “There is no time like the pleasant.”
But my favorite forever was “You like food but you love sex more.”
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bigtitsroundasses –
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blackassbusters –
blinddatebangers –
busstopwhores –
chloe18 –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
fantasyhandjobs –
gangbangdivas –
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bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
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blackassbusters –
blinddatebangers –
busstopwhores –
chloe18 –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
fantasyhandjobs –
gangbangdivas –
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givemepink –
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trixieteen –
truetwinks –
tugjobs –
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xxxproposal –
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allrealitypass –
allstarporngirls –
assparade –
asstraffic –
barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
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allinternal –
allrealitypass –
allstarporngirls –
assparade –
asstraffic –
barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
bikinicontestporn –
blinddatebangers –
boysgonebad –
busstopwhores –
chloe18 –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
femalepov –
giantsblackmeatwhitetreat –
givemepink –
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hoodhunter –
hornyspanishflies –
ispycameltoe –
milfchallenge –
milflessons –
monstersofcock –
mrchewsasianbeaver –
oxpass –
pleasebangmywife –
pumpthatass –
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spermswap –
teentopanga –
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thebigswallow –
throatjobs –
tinysblackadventures –
trixieteen –
truetwinks –
tugjobs –
vengified –
xxxproposal –
allinternal –
allrealitypass –
allstarporngirls –
assparade –
asstraffic –
barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
bikinicontestporn –
blinddatebangers –
boysgonebad –
busstopwhores –
chloe18 –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
femalepov –
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teentopanga –
teenybopperclub –
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tgirlisland –
thebigswallow –
throatjobs –
tinysblackadventures –
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truetwinks –
tugjobs –
vengified –
xxxproposal –
allinternal –
allrealitypass –
assparade –
asstraffic –
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barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
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blinddatebangers –
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busstopwhores –
chloe18 –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
femalepov –
giantsblackmeatwhitetreat –
givemepink –
gotfooled –
hornyspanishflies –
ispycameltoe –
milfchallenge –
milflessons –
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mrchewsasianbeaver –
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pumpthatass –
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tgirlisland –
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thebigswallow –
throatjobs –
tinysblackadventures –
trixieteen –
truetwinks –
tugjobs –
vengified –
xxxproposal –
allinternal –
allrealitypass –
assparade –
asstraffic –
bangbrosworldwide –
barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
bikinicontestporn –
blinddatebangers –
boysgonebad –
busstopwhores –
chloe18 –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
femalepov –
giantsblackmeatwhitetreat –
givemepink –
gotfooled –
hoodhunter –
hornyspanishflies –
ispycameltoe –
milflessons –
monstersofcock –
mrchewsasianbeaver –
pleasebangmywife –
pumpthatass –
rainbowvip –
realarizonaamateurs –
realitypassplus –
seehersquirt –
shockingparties –
spermswap –
teentopanga –
teenybopperclub –
tgirlisland –
tgirlsontgirls –
thebigswallow –
throatjobs –
tinysblackadventures –
trixieteen –
truetwinks –
tugjobs –
vengified –
xxxproposal –
allinternal –
allrealitypass –
assparade –
asstraffic –
bangbrosworldwide –
barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
bikinicontestporn –
blinddatebangers –
boysgonebad –
busstopwhores –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
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givemepink –
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ispycameltoe –
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tgirlisland –
tgirlsontgirls –
thebigswallow –
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truetwinks –
tugjobs –
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bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
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boysgonebad –
busstopwhores –
circlejerkboys –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
femalepov –
givemepink –
hoodhunter –
hornyspanishflies –
ispycameltoe –
menover30 –
milfchallenge –
milflessons –
monstersofcock –
mrchewsasianbeaver –
pleasebangmywife –
pumpthatass –
pussyassmouth –
rainbowvip –
realitypassplus –
seehersquirt –
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teenybopperclub –
tgirladventures –
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thebigswallow –
throatjobs –
thugsandjuggs –
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tinysblackadventures –
trixieteen –
truetwinks –
tugjobs –
vengified –
xxxproposal –
allinternal –
allrealitypass –
amateurjerkoff –
assparade –
asstraffic –
bangbrosworldwide –
barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
blinddatebangers –
boysgonebad –
busstopwhores –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
femalepov –
givemepink –
gotfooled –
hoodhunter –
hornyspanishflies –
ispycameltoe –
milfchallenge –
milflessons –
monstersofcock –
mrchewsasianbeaver –
pleasebangmywife –
pumpthatass –
pussyassmouth –
rainbowvip –
realitypassplus –
seehersquirt –
shockingparties –
spermswap –
teentopanga –
teenybopperclub –
tgirladventures –
tgirlisland –
tgirlsontgirls –
thebigswallow –
throatjobs –
thugsandjuggs –
thugs and juggs –
tinysblackadventures –
trixieteen –
truetwinks –
tugjobs –
vengified –
xxxproposal –
allinternal –
allrealitypass –
amateurjerkoff –
assparade –
asstraffic –
bangbrosworldwide –
barefootmaniacs –
bigleaguefacials –
bigmouthfuls –
bigtitpatrol –
bigtitsroundasses –
blinddatebangers –
boysgonebad –
busstopwhores –
coedsneedcash –
creampiesurprise –
femalepov –
givemepink –
gotfooled –
hoodhunter –
hornyspanishflies –
ispycameltoe –
menover30 –
milfchallenge –
milflessons –
mosntersofcock –
mrchewsasianbeaver –
pleasebangmywife –
pumpthatass –
pussyassmouth –
rainbowvip –
realitypassplus –
seehersquirt –
shockingparties –
spermswap –
teentopanga –
teenybopperclub –
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