Market in Everything

I think most of these are “art” but this market in everything makes for entertaining reading. Here are some of my favorites. For legal reasons, if you want the product, you will have to go to the website for the seller’s email.

Guilty? Innocent? It’s all the same to me. For a fee of 500 pounds a time I will lie to the police about your whereabouts, and for 2000, I will perjure myself in court, and swear a testimony to a fictitious scenario of your choice. Easiest to contact me in advance of crime, and establish the deal. Emergency alibis also available.

For a price, I will think of you and only you every time I commit acts of self-love during a time period. I will picture you in my mind, and pretend that all pleasurable touches come from your hands…I will breathe your name heavily. I will lust after you. I will dream of you. I will long for you. …During each time period, I vow to commit acts of self-love to orgasm, at the very least, once per day, no matter what.

Worried that the day to mark your passing is going to be an Eleanor Rigby type affair? Fear not, for 20% of your estate (or £1000, whichever the greater) plus travel and overnight accomodation expenses, I will pretend to have known you, deliver a stirring eulogy, and then get drunk at your wake.

I will sell you immortality for only £12 plus £2 booking fee. There is a full refund for dissatisfied customers.

Thanks the MetaFilter for the link.


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