Markets in Everything: Prison Consultants

NYTimes: Mr. Levine is a prison consultant. The business — which entails advising people who are facing jail time on how to prepare for life on the inside, deal with medical issues, transfer to other prisons and even reduce their sentences…The consultants [also] teach prison etiquette.

For example? “Never walk across a wet floor,” Mr. Mulholland advised, saying you might mess up the work of the prisoner manning the mop. And then he might kill you.

Prison consultancy seems to be one of the few businesses where the owners aggressively advertise their criminal record:

Mr. Levine said he thought the competition would thin out over time because the competitors lack marketing smarts. Besides, he argued, he has the criminal CV to back up the marketing.

If they handed out diplomas for prison savvy, he said, “These guys have maybe an associate degree. I have like a Ph.D. or above.”

Indeed, “some prison consultants say that others are so lacking in expertise that their businesses are practically criminal enterprises.”


Free advice: don't drop your soap.

I've been thinking about hiring a prison consultant to help me get into an M7 prison. My background includes two years at a bulge bracket gang, where i've quickly risen through the ranks and assumed greater responsibility.

I'm a non-Asian minority though, which might hurt me. I heard they're trying to recruit more Asians and whites now for "diversity," and NAMs need to commit more crime just to be considered the same as Asians and whites in admissions... so unfair.

>I have like a Ph.D.

Best phrase ever?

Much like DARPA spawning da interwebz, and NASA spawning Tang, a fine example of the multiplier effect of billions spent on the war on drugs.

this pretty useful for "normal people" who lack street wise skills.

you can face criminal charges now for breaking some obscure environmental/financial/tax regulation nowadays.

Now I'm thinking of that scene in Office Space.

The trick is to kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch.

That'll be $500.

This has long been a favored enterprise of lawyers disbarred for criminal acts.

Also, this is in the Fashion & Style section?

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