Why aren’t there more dating coaches?

Once a week, I go to some guy’s house and pay him a fairly significant
sum of money so he can tell me in which order I should pluck strings on
my guitar.  I would like to learn to play guitar well.  But it’s nowhere
near as central to my happiness as my lovelife.  Yet I’m allowed — even
praised — for seeking expert guidance there, but would be roundly
shamed if I sought a dating coach.

That’s Ezra (and here), with nary a mention of the single payer.  I’m all for the idea, but I see at least two reasons why the concept does not thrive. 

First, many of the people with dating problems are their own worst enemies.  Paying for advice won’t much help because self-sabotage is the goal and the advice-giver can’t disassemble the relevant weirdnesses.  And many people would hire the coach as a substitute for actually making themselves emotionally available.

Second, I do not believe it much benefits "losers" to learn additional slickness.  The more likely result is that the coach tells the loser about seven of his mistakes, thereby discouraging him altogether.

Whereas when the guitar teacher screams "Ezra, that ain’t no G7!", I suspect Ezra still goes home feeling pretty good about himself, as indeed he should.  But even guitar teachers (and I have had several) rely on lessons for income and they aren’t so inclined to give honest feedback.  They fear making their students feel bad and thus losing them.  After all most guitar students are terrible (except for me all my teachers told me I was pretty good.)

The bottom line: It is much easier to sell aspirational goods than honesty.


Comments for this post are closed