Jokes about the financial crisis

The most popular game for Icelandic families in 2009?

Go Fish!

What’s the capital of Iceland?

About $20

Iceland was a currency posing as a bank.

I went to an ATM today, and it asked to borrow a twenty till next week.

Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

In Soviet America, banks rob people because that is where the money is!

Those are from this comments section.  Do you know any such jokes?


Did you hear the one about the Polish homeowner? He paid his mortgage!

†¢ This shipping market is so bad..that the only guys taking ships are the Somalians

†¢ This market is so bad†¦that I now own ½ of 2 homes each in Houston and Galveston, I can’t find my boat, my brokerage account is now worth about 1/3 of what it was last month, my 401K is so low the company has claimed technical difficulties with the online service and I can’t even log in to see my lows and I have been trying to get the office window open for weeks and the damn thing is rusted shut. Just my luck, nothing works around here anymore!

†¢ This market stinks so bad †¦that on my drive home yesterday there was a guy at an intersection with a sign that read, “Will manage your money for food†.

†¢ This market stinks so bad †¦that it is worse than the Aggie football team!!

†¢ This market stinks so bad, that an Aggie friend of mine traded his whole stock portfolio for Aggie Football Season tickets recently, and still feels like he got the better end of the deal.

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that Pickering now thinks they run a hedge fund.

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that predictions from the Book of Revelations seem like a summer vacation. Maybe the Stock Market Bell is Gabriel blowing his horn.

†¢ This market stinks so bad, we’ve issued H2S monitors and Scott Air Packs to every employee†¦†¦.and the janitor

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that my broker recommended only 2 positions, Cash and Fetal

†¢ This market stinks so bad....that floor traders are quitting to take jobs in the sewers of India. Says a totally stressed trader, "I'd rather move small piles of excrement in the sewers of New Delhi than mountains of crap on the trading floor !!#%%$".

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that my 401(k) is now a 100.25(k)!

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that it makes lawyers smell clean!

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that it makes putting money on a Texans win look like a solid investment

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that it smells like a diaper full of old Indian food

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that I am advising my mother-in-law to put more money in!

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that I can finally afford that divorce. She/he will get what I’ve always wanted her/him to get - half of nothing!

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that even President Bush has heard about it."

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that I am now working on a machine that can travel through time - I shall call it a "time machine" - I will use this machine to travel back through "time" and quit my meager job as a portfolio manager at a small hedge fund in the Midwest. I will then spend boozy days as a stay at home dad, biding my time until there is sufficient opportunity (indeed historic opportunity). Only then shall I return to the markets like a colossus, stomping over the bleached bones along the road of former so-called competitors. Alternatively, I may recede into the fog in a northeastern retreat known only as "the puffin's nest" and take up a apprenticeship to a exiled German clocksmith.

†¢ This market stinks so bad †¦ I have decided to forgo a bonus this year!

†¢ This market stinks so bad †¦ Joe Six-pack is now Joe Four-pack

†¢ This market stinks so bad †¦ that the CEO that only has to liquidate 30% of his holdings is a relative winner.

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that I’ve picked the bottom so much, my fingers are starting to stink

†¢ This market sucks so bad†¦that it’s not even funny anymore

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that at least the guys at Enron knew what was in their cool-aid.

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that I describe it as a tilt-a-whirl. If you love puking, this is fun.

†¢ This market stinks so bad..that the newly opened, multi-million dollar "Capital Markets Lab" at the UNC business school has been recently re-christened as the "Capital Markets History Lab."

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that my dartboard got taken away in a margin call

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that I wish CFA stood for Certified Flight Attendant

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that I wish I would have tried harder in my freshman chemistry class

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that I’m thinking about getting my real estate brokerage license

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that Chuck Norris can’t even make money.

†¢ This market stinks so bad†¦that I would rather be this guy! link

Tyler, maybe you want to translate the following one to your readers.

Wall Street y los monos

Una vez llegó al pueblo un señor, bien vestido, se instaló en el único hotel que había, y puso un aviso en la única página del periódico local, estaba dispuesto a comprar cada mono que le traigan por $10.

Los campesinos, que sabían que el bosque estaba lleno de monos, salieron corriendo a cazar monos.

El hombre compró, como había prometido en el aviso, los cientos de monos que le trajeron a $10 cada uno sin chistar.

Pero, como ya quedaban muy pocos monos en el bosque, y era difícil cazarlos, los campesinos perdieron interés, entonces el hombre ofreció $20 por cada mono, y los campesinos corrieron otra vez al bosque.

Nuevamente, fueron mermando los monos, y el hombre elevó la oferta a $25, y los campesinos volvieron al bosque, cazando los pocos monos que quedaban, hasta que ya era casi imposible encontrar uno.

Llegado a este punto, el hombre ofreció $50 por cada mono, pero, como tenia negocios que atender en la ciudad, dejaría a cargo de su ayudante el negocio de la compra de monos..

Una vez que viajó el hombre a la ciudad, su ayudante se dirigió a los campesinos diciéndoles:
- Fíjense en esta jaula llena de miles de monos que mi jefe compró para su colección, ni recuerda que los tiene. Yo les ofrezco venderles a ustedes los monos por $35 y cuando mi jefe regrese de la ciudad, se los venden por $50 cada uno.

Los campesinos juntaron todos sus ahorros y compraron los miles de monos que había en la gran jaula, y esperaron el regreso del 'jefe'...

Desde ese día, no volvieron a ver ni al ayudante ni al jefe. Lo único que vieron fue la jaula llena de monos que compraron con sus ahorros de toda la vida.

Ahora tienen ustedes una noción bien clara de cómo funciona el Mercado de Valores, la Bolsa y Wall Street

My Spanish is a little rusty but...

Wall s$street and the monkeys

Once a gentleman arrived at the town, dressed well, he settled in the unique hotel that was, and put a warning in the unique page of the local newspaper, was arranged to buy each monkey that brings to him by $10. Farmers, that knew that the forest was full of monkeys, left running to hunt monkeys. The man bought, like had promised in the warning, the hundreds of monkeys that brought to him to $10 each without chistar. But, as already they were very few monkeys in the forest, and it was difficult to hunt them, the farmers lost interest, then the man offered $20 by each monkey, and the farmers ran again to the forest. Again, they were decreasing the monkeys, and the man lifted the supply to $25, and the farmers returned to the forest, hunting the few monkeys that were, until it was already almost impossible to find one. Arrived at this point, the man offered $50 by each monkey, but, like tapeworm businesses that to take care of in the city, the business of the purchase of monkeys would leave in charge of its assistant. Once the man to the city traveled, his assistant went to the farmers saying to them: - They pay attention to this full cage of thousands of monkeys that my head bought for his collection, nor remembers it has that them. I offer to them to sell to you the monkeys to them by $35 and when my head returns of the city, are sold it by $50 each. The farmers joined all savings and bought the thousands of monkeys that were in the great cage, and waited for the return of ' jefe' †¦ From that day, they returned to see neither the assistant nor the head. The unique thing that saw was the full cage of monkeys that they bought with his savings of all the life. Now you have clear a good notion of how she works the Stock market, stock-market and Wall s$street

Two from the UK:

Q: What is the definition of optimism?
A: An investment banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday night

Q: What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker?
A: A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari

When I got home last night, I found that my bank had installed a drive up ATM in the front of my house.

"I have enjoyed watching the markets lose most of their value, they were over valued anyway. many countries in the world are suffering as they have invested so much of their equity in the US stock market, after this governments will not be so ready to invest into Wall Street ...."

Care to make a bet on that, Lewis?

David_Zetland: You forgot the part of the story where Bob_Murphy claims that private monkey ranching is socialist because it's impossible to solve the calculation problem of how many monkeys should be place under private ownership.

This is Bush's way of saving Social Security -- if we have to keep working until we die early, we'll put money in and never take it out.

No banker bonus, hahahaha!

I got these ones from the Telegraph: (
What's the definition of optimism?
An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening.

What's the difference between the BBC's business editor Robert Peston and God?
God doesn't think he's Robert Peston.

I talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one outside Boots yesterday.

Record unemployment levels have been announced today as the credit crunch tightens its grip. Icelandic bank robbery is reported to be among the worst hit sectors.

What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?'
'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'

The credit crunch is getting bad, isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow a tenner a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now Britain's fourth biggest lender.

Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

it's sad but funny....

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago,
you would have $49 left.

With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.

With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk
all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling
REFUND, you would have $50 cash. Based on the above, the best current
investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Best joke on the whole mess was by li'l Jimmy Norton on the Tonight Show; "They asked if was diversely invested. I said, yeah I got a white broker and a black broker, isn't that enough?"


Somalia buys out US banks


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